Making the Simcha full of Mitzvah!

On Sunday our families worked hard to help out the fictional Segal family work out lots of issues related to their son's bar mitzvah. We talked about invitations, aliyot, community and celebration and how we can bring mitzvot into the process and the event itself. Thanks to all the families for this great collection of ideas:

Invitations: Invitations sometimes include inserts informing guests of mitzvah projects or tzedekah the child is involved in. Ask for donations in lieu of gifts. Some invitations can be purchased from the JNF or other organizations where part of the cost is donated. Recycled paper and email responses help keep down environmental impact. Put a verse from the Torah portion or other Jewish theme or quote on the invitation. Guests who are coming a distance could be offered home hospitality to keep their costs down.

Aliyot: Finding ways to include as many family members as possible is important. Families can be called up in groups for Aliyot. Recognizing grandparents is paramount. For family members who are not comfortable with Hebrew, have the bar mitzvah child tutor them on the blessings or have them go to the Beth El website to hear Cantor Ness recite them. Give them lots of advance notice to prepare. Look into the English reading that a non-Jewish family member may do in the service.

Celebration: Set a limit on the number of friends the child can invite. Perhaps make a separate lower key party for kids only. Include out-of-town family in the mitzvah project in some way. Use child's interests to create centerpieces that could then be donated. Use the candlelighting ceremony to honor special people. Keep the focus on the meaning of the simcha and not just the party.

Community: Make sure that the congregation feels a part of the celebration by including them in the kiddush. Write something in the handout at the service about how important it is to be celebrating as part of the community. Focus on mitzvot that child will continue to do after the ceremony to be a part of the adult Jewish community. Offer to read Torah again soon.

And Remember: Enjoy the moment. The details will work themselves out and let the joy of this beautiful rite of passage for the child be the essence.

Mitzvah Projects

To select a mitzvah project, it is important to think about what the bar/bat mitzvah child's interests are and where their passions lie. It is good for the family to weigh in too so that it can become something that the whole family believes in. The following website has many tools for students and families to use to get ideas for mitzvah projects and explore the world of community service projects in general.

Go to babaganewz.com/mitzvah. On the Mitzvah Central page, explore the following: Mitzvah Machine, Personality Quiz, Mitzvah Project Gallery, Mitzvah Project Ideas and Ease the Suffering of the Needy

The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Pyramid

Here's a way to think about all the people that are involved in your child's simcha. Of course the child is the most important, but for the pyramid to be complete, all the rest must be included. In our next program, one of the things we will be talking about is how to find ways to include EVERYONE in the event. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, if you are with family, talk to them about ways they might be included!

What do you think?

Our students interviewed parents about their own bar/bat mitzvah experiences. Parents: Was it fun to go down memory lane a little bit? Did it help you clarify what you want for your own child?

Why do we celebrate becoming a bar/bat mitzvah?

This was the question for our first program. We discussed several possible answers:

1. It is a way to publicly mark that we are ready to take on new responsibilities in the community.
2. It is our heritage. We can't imagine NOT doing it.
3. It lets us share our joy with the community, family and friends with a kiddush or party.
4. It is a way to show our Jewish learning and talk about mitzvah projects.

We also shared a lot of memories and ideas about bar/bat mitzvah celebrations past and present. Parents remembered feeling very proud and important on their special day. Some parents acknowledged that only as an adult did they really understand the importance of the bar/bat mitzvah process. Special thanks to parents who shared stories of their adult bar/bat mitzvah.

The evaluations showed that this program got us all thinking! Thanks to the students for being such great interviewers.

Each child, along with their family, takes an individual journey to becoming a bar/bat mitzvah. Thanks to all the families that come back with younger children to walk the path anew.

Our first Bar/Bat Mitzvah Family Program

Our first family program is scheduled for Sunday morning, October 26th. The title of the program is "The History and Meaning of Bar/Bat Mitzvah". Since part of the program is the chance for students to understand what the bar mitzvah experience was in earlier years, I always ask parents to bring in memorabilia related to their own simchas or simchas of other relatives. This can include pictures, invitations, certificates, gifts received or anything else related. We put the items on display and are returned at the end of the program.

It is always great fun to look at the haircuts and clothing styles and the kids love it!

I am hoping to use this blog as a place to share ideas about the bar/bat mitzvah journey at Beth El. I will try to answer questions that come up during our family programs and share any ideas from you or others.. Please feel free to comment and share ideas and experiences.

A child does not "have" a bar/bat mitzvah, but rather at the age of 13 "becomes" a bar mitzvah. This is an important distinction. We are very concerned about what our children are becoming and not so worried about what they have.