Beth El Temple Bar/Bat Mitzvah Blog

The Meaning of Bar/Bat Mitzvah

2009-11-27T09:12:00.002-05:00

It was great to begin the journey with the Daled families this past Sunday! Thank you to all the parents and students who participated and shared in our discussions. Especially enlightening was our table discussions on "Why do we celebrate becoming a bar/bat mitzvah?" Is is tradition? community? family? to showcase Jewish learning?
Additional comments always welcome!

Dust off the scrapbooks!

2009-10-29T14:26:00.001-04:00

Our first program is scheduled for Sunday morning, November 22. Each year, for this program, I ask parents to hunt around for memorabilia from their own bar/bat mitzvah celebrations. Over the years, we have seen some great scrapbooks, photo albums, kiddush cups, invitations and other special items. It is fun for the kids to see them and for parents to reminisce together. Everything will be safe, and all items are taken home at the end of the program. I look forward to seeing it all!

Welcome to the Beth El Temple Bar/Bat Mitzvah Blog!

2009-09-14T14:23:00.002-04:00

I am excited to be starting a new year as Family Educator at Beth El. I have been working to update some of the programs this year with new materials and activities. Some of the tried and true will still be used, coupled with some new ideas as well. The schedule of programs for the year is posted in the sidebar to the right, so please mark your calendars! If you are new to the blog, take a few minutes to look over some of the older posts from last year to see what we did and what issues we discussed.

I look forward to working with the Daled class families this year to start the journey to becoming a bar/bat mitzvah.

Please feel free to comment at any time. I look forward to your feedback!

More Mitzvah Project Ideas from the students

2009-05-20T13:18:00.006-04:00

As the summer begins to get underway, there may be some extra time to involve the family in mitzvah projects. Below are some more ideas from the students in this year's Daled class who will become bar/bat mitzvah next year.

David plans to collect old soccer cleats, soccer jerseys and soccer balls and send them to Israel for kids to use there.

Rebecca is planning to spend time at Foodshare, helping to ready food for delivery to shelters.

Matthew wants to work with kids with learning difficulties.

Eva is thinking about donating toys and food to ASPCA and volunteer there as well. This organization is involved in the protection and safety of animals.

Sammy has lots of ideas! She is interested in volunteering her time in schools or with animals or collecting clothing or other items for the poor.

Shawn is considering spending time with seniors at a retirement home.

Morgan loves animals and would like to volunteer at an animal shelter or at the stables of Ebony Horsewomen in Hartford.

Melissa may volunteer at the Hebrew Home and Hospital.

All these are great ideas and worthy endeavors. Check out the links of the various organizations listed. Thanks to all the students for their thoughtful ideas on how they can help the community.

Mitzvah Project ideas

2009-04-27T16:38:00.002-04:00

At our last program, I had students fill out a form indicating what they planning for mitzvah projects. I got some super responses and want to share some of them with you! Check back in the future for more ideas!

Lauren is going to attend Monday night minyan for her entire bat mitzvah year.

Leah is planning to volunteer at the Hebrew Home.

Erin is running in the Relay for Life to raise money for cancer research.

Paul is planning to do some pet therapy with his dog, Norton.

Kol Hakavod!

Great to see all the beautiful tallitot!

2009-03-30T13:31:00.006-04:00

It was great to see all of you at our tallit program. Check out these pictures of our tzitzit tying experts!

Tallit program

What our students are up to!

2009-03-30T13:08:00.003-04:00

Please read what soon-to-be bat mitzvah Deena, is doing for her mitzvah project!

"As part of my mitzvah project, I have decided to raise money to benefit breast cancer research, in celebration of my aunt Joanie ten-year anniversary as a breast cancer survivor. The Susan G. Komen Walk for the Cure is an amazing event where men and women who have struggled with breast cancer, or support breast cancer research, walk 60 miles in three days to help fund important research of the disease. Donations of any amount are greatly appreciated and will make a difference in the lives of many. Check out www.the3day.org for more information."

Thank you Deena, for sharing your work!

Great Video!

2009-03-17T16:20:00.009-04:00

If you want to get a little primer on tying tzitzit, check out this great video! It is about ten minutes and will familiarize you with all the steps. It will make your tzitzit tying experience a breeze! I even learned a new tip regarding bobby pins!

Go to the Jewish Pathways video library by clicking below. Scroll down a little to see the video thumbnail.

View the video

What's Hot and What's Not?

2009-03-12T12:40:00.003-04:00

In our workshops we talk a lot about keeping the 'mitzvah' in bar mitzvah and trying to remember what it is really all about. I know that I have mentioned the Mitzvah Chic (mitzvahchic.com) website before, but I found a great chart on that same site that kind of expresses the trend we are seeing and talking about. It is entitled "What's Hot and What's Not" in bar/bat mitzvah celebrations today. You can go directly to it by clicking What's Hot?

Take this Tallit Quiz!!

2009-02-25T10:07:00.003-05:00

In researching materials for our upcoming program on tallit, I found this little four question quiz. There are no right or wrong answers and it will get us thinking about what the tallit is for and why we use it. It would be great for parents and students to do this quiz together! Click here to get to Rabbi Scheinerman's home page. Click "Tallit" on the side menu bar. On the Tallit page, scroll to the bottom and click on "Would you like to take the Tallit Exploratory Quiz?"

Let us know what you think!

Beth El Temple Bar/Bat Mitzvah Student's Mitzvah Projects

2009-02-10T17:31:00.005-05:00

Here is a mitzvah project from the heart!

Jacob Cantor was born with complex congenital heart disease. He has had multiple open heart surgeries and many procedures. Because of this, he has become committed to the cause of research and the treatment of heart disease. He has participated in many medical studies for the benefit of other patients. He has been a volunteer with the Connecticut Chapter of the American Heart Association. His story was featured at the American Heart Association's CT fundraiser at Mohegan Sun last May. He is planning a team for the AHA's Hartford walk - a- thon in the fall. He also has been in discussions with the Foundation of the Connecticut Children's Medical Center to tell his story and inspire support for the Cardiology unit at the Center. Jacob doesn't view his involvement and his volunteer activities as a one time or even once a year event. He will continue to be involved in helping the Heart Assoc, other families with congenital heart disease and the CT Children's Medical Center and the Children's Hospital in Boston.

If you would like to get involved in this work too, you can contact Jacob and his family at shaboyz@comcast.net

Click for American Heart Association website.

Click for Connecticut Children's Medical Center website

What's your Parasha??

2009-02-09T19:30:00.004-05:00

After the program on Sunday, all of the students that were there can now tell you what their bar/bat mitzvah parasha is and what book of the Torah it is from. I told them that they will OWN it and it will become part of how they will always remember this time in their lives. We photographed the students in groups based where their parasha was in the Torah! Click on the picture below to see photos from the program!

Dvar Torah Program

Special Guest Blogger – Rabbi Jim Rosen

2009-02-02T16:26:00.002-05:00

Shalom everyone! I am really looking forward to being with you on Sunday. I always find it exciting to gather with families and try to "de-mystify" the process of writing a D'var Torah-at least a little bit. This is a very exciting part of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah process and one that will hopefully add to your family's appreciation of the Jewish idea of life-long learning.

I will wait for Sunday for the details but for now can say that much of what we already do in life involves the act of interpretation. It is not so different than what a student of Torah does when preparing to teach something new. It really involves asking some very key questions of who, what, when, where and why and one that is not so appreciated all the time - how. We do that in assessing current events and family decisions. The challenge is to apply this to Torah and to understand where a text and life might meet and be enriched by the encounter. That will be our goal. I always find that task exciting and hope you will too.

All the best, Rabbi Jim Rosen

When can a dvar Torah be delivered?

2009-01-27T11:36:00.007-05:00

While it is very important that the bar/bat mitzvah present words of Torah at the service, there are other opportunities as well. Anytime that we can connect our ancient texts to our everyday lives is a chance to demonstrate the relevance and timelessness of our tradition. At the kiddush luncheon it is very appropriate for a family member or the bar/bat mitzvah themselves to stand up and deliver a few words. It is especially nice for parents and grandparents to use that time to impart words of Torah. Certainly if there is a dinner or in conjunction with a candle-lighting ceremony, a short dvar Toah can be delivered. It helps to keep the whole event grounded in tradition and values.

Synagogue Board meetings generally start with a short dvar Torah by the rabbi or individual Board member. The idea is to get everyone focused on what the real work of the Board is. In the same way, a dvar Torah at an appropriate time during the celebration helps to elevate the event and keep everyone mindful of the 'mitzvah' in bar mitzvah.

I invite your comments on this!!

Finding a dvar Torah topic - A Story

2009-01-27T11:21:00.005-05:00

I remember the dvar Toah writing process as my own children became bar/bat mitzvah. My oldest son had the portion Vayera in the book of Bereshit(Genesis). I remember people saying that all the parashiot in Genesis were easy because they all have great stories and it is so easy to find something that relates to our lives. I still believe this to be true, but it is still hard because there are so many themes and ideas that it can be hard to narrow it down. The portion Vayera includes the story of the near sacrifice of Isaac by his father Abraham. This is a difficult text and I remember that the idea of writing a dvar Torah about it made my son very nervous. To solve things, I told him that lots of people (more that we know!) have commented on this and he could choose something else in the parasha. He ended up writing a beautiful speech on the places in the parasha where people argued with God and why they might have done that. Most notably, he talked about Abraham's arguing with God regarding the destruction of Sodom. He connected it to his own personal expereince of arguing with teachers and other authority figures. What a perfect theme for a budding adolescent!

Starting to think about Dvar torah

2009-01-20T14:50:00.007-05:00

At our next family program we are going to learn about how to write a dvar Torah. You will see that every Torah portion has some theme or nugget of truth that you will be able to link to a current issue or value that is meaningful to you. In some Torah portions that nugget is easier to find than others - but it is there! I recently found a website called mitzvahchic.com that has an advice and ideas sharing section. The following question relates to connecting to the child's Torah portion. Take a look!

How do I tie in a speech to the Torah portion? Click here.

You'll see that there are discussions about many topics - maybe a question or concern you have is addressed. Let me know if you come across something especially useful or controversial and I will pass it along!

Tallit Workshop Information – Don’t worry, you have lots of time!

2009-01-12T15:47:00.002-05:00

For those of you that want to plan ahead, here is the information for the tallit making workshop. This workshop is the final Bar/Bat Mitzvah family program for the year and it is scheduled for Sunday, March 29^th.

Fabric requirements:

Oversized Tallit - Approx. 70" x 40"

Regular Tallit - Approx. 70" x 18"

The rectangular piece of fabric should be finished on all four sides. If you want to use a contrasting color for an 'atarah' (neckband) and to reinforce the corners, you will need approximately 1/3 yard more of material. You may also purchase ready-made atarot at the Judaica Store that have the tallit blessing on them. Girls: Please remember that some of the satiny fabrics are slippery and you may have trouble keeping it on your shoulders.

The neckband and corners can either be ironed on using "fusible web" or sewn on. Most importantly, there should be a finished hole or buttonhole in each of the four corners.

We will provide you with kosher "tsitsit". You will learn to tie the knots as part of the workshop.

This is always a great workshop and the finished tallitot are beautiful!

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask!

Choosing where to Give Tzedakah when there is so much need

2009-01-12T12:04:00.002-05:00

Giving tzedekah in honor of a bar or bat mitzvah or as part of a mitzvah project is an excellent way for the new Jewish 'adult' to get started on a lifelong habit of giving. Here are a few resources for finding charities that are doing work that is meaningful to your family and that you can count on to be efficient.

Check out I've Done My Part at:

http://www.ivedonemypart.org/charities.html

And for guidance in choosing charities, Charity Navigator at:

http://www.charitynavigator.org/

Please feel free to share any information that you have on your favorite charities!

Thinking about invitations – Please share!

2009-01-11T15:11:00.003-05:00

Need some help with language and wording for bar/bat mitzvah invitations? Here are just a few of lots of ideas out there. Remember that it is a great extra touch to use your child's Hebrew name as well as their English name. Having the name of their parasha on the invitation is good too. Some people even choose a verse from the parasha to include as well. Go ahead and comment and share some other suggestions that you may have!

A rich tradition of yesterday.
The bright promise of tomorrow.
We invite you to share a
precious moment in our lives
as our DAUGHTER/SON

becomes a BAT/BAR MITZVAH

Because you have touched our lives
with your friendship and love,
we invite you to join us in creating
a cherished memory as our
SON/DAUGHTER

is called to the Torah as a
BAR/BAT MITZVAH

on Parashat Lech Lecha

With pride, joy and mostly with love,
we invite you to join us as we celebrate

as our SON/DAUGHTER

Becomes a BAR/BAT Mitzvah
at the Havdalah Service

Did you know?

2009-01-08T16:07:00.004-05:00

Our next family program isn't for a few more weeks, but I wanted to keep you thinking in the meantime. I would like this blog to be a place to share information, thoughts and ideas even when things are not directly connected to a program.

At the last program, we talked a lot about ways to make everyone involved with the simcha feel comfortable EVEN if their Jewish background was weak. You should know that your own Beth El Temple website has a library of audio files of many parts of the Shabbat service that you can listen to or download anytime! Your kids may already have some of these files on their ipods! See below for the direct link, but you can also find it on the Education tab of the website.

http://bethelwesthartford.org/resources/audio.php

Recorded by our own Cantor Ness!

Making the Simcha full of Mitzvah!

2008-12-08T10:23:00.007-05:00

On Sunday our families worked hard to help out the fictional Segal family work out lots of issues related to their son's bar mitzvah. We talked about invitations, aliyot, community and celebration and how we can bring mitzvot into the process and the event itself. Thanks to all the families for this great collection of ideas:

Invitations: Invitations sometimes include inserts informing guests of mitzvah projects or tzedekah the child is involved in. Ask for donations in lieu of gifts. Some invitations can be purchased from the JNF or other organizations where part of the cost is donated. Recycled paper and email responses help keep down environmental impact. Put a verse from the Torah portion or other Jewish theme or quote on the invitation. Guests who are coming a distance could be offered home hospitality to keep their costs down.

Aliyot: Finding ways to include as many family members as possible is important. Families can be called up in groups for Aliyot. Recognizing grandparents is paramount. For family members who are not comfortable with Hebrew, have the bar mitzvah child tutor them on the blessings or have them go to the Beth El website to hear Cantor Ness recite them. Give them lots of advance notice to prepare. Look into the English reading that a non-Jewish family member may do in the service.

Celebration: Set a limit on the number of friends the child can invite. Perhaps make a separate lower key party for kids only. Include out-of-town family in the mitzvah project in some way. Use child's interests to create centerpieces that could then be donated. Use the candlelighting ceremony to honor special people. Keep the focus on the meaning of the simcha and not just the party.

Community: Make sure that the congregation feels a part of the celebration by including them in the kiddush. Write something in the handout at the service about how important it is to be celebrating as part of the community. Focus on mitzvot that child will continue to do after the ceremony to be a part of the adult Jewish community. Offer to read Torah again soon.

And Remember: Enjoy the moment. The details will work themselves out and let the joy of this beautiful rite of passage for the child be the essence.

Mitzvah Projects

2008-11-24T10:38:00.007-05:00

To select a mitzvah project, it is important to think about what the bar/bat mitzvah child's interests are and where their passions lie. It is good for the family to weigh in too so that it can become something that the whole family believes in. The following website has many tools for students and families to use to get ideas for mitzvah projects and explore the world of community service projects in general.

Go to babaganewz.com/mitzvah. On the Mitzvah Central page, explore the following: Mitzvah Machine, Personality Quiz, Mitzvah Project Gallery, Mitzvah Project Ideas and Ease the Suffering of the Needy

The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Pyramid

2008-11-17T16:08:00.007-05:00

Here's a way to think about all the people that are involved in your child's simcha. Of course the child is the most important, but for the pyramid to be complete, all the rest must be included. In our next program, one of the things we will be talking about is how to find ways to include EVERYONE in the event. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, if you are with family, talk to them about ways they might be included!

What do you think?

2008-10-28T16:27:00.008-04:00

Our students interviewed parents about their own bar/bat mitzvah experiences. Parents: Was it fun to go down memory lane a little bit? Did it help you clarify what you want for your own child?

Why do we celebrate becoming a bar/bat mitzvah?

2008-10-26T13:35:00.004-04:00

This was the question for our first program. We discussed several possible answers:

It is a way to publicly mark that we are ready to take on new responsibilities in the community.
It is our heritage. We can't imagine NOT doing it.
It lets us share our joy with the community, family and friends with a kiddush or party.
It is a way to show our Jewish learning and talk about mitzvah projects.

We also shared a lot of memories and ideas about bar/bat mitzvah celebrations past and present. Parents remembered feeling very proud and important on their special day. Some parents acknowledged that only as an adult did they really understand the importance of the bar/bat mitzvah process. Special thanks to parents who shared stories of their adult bar/bat mitzvah.

The evaluations showed that this program got us all thinking! Thanks to the students for being such great interviewers.

Each child, along with their family, takes an individual journey to becoming a bar/bat mitzvah. Thanks to all the families that come back with younger children to walk the path anew.

Our first Bar/Bat Mitzvah Family Program

2008-09-05T15:41:00.002-04:00

Our first family program is scheduled for Sunday morning, October 26th. The title of the program is "The History and Meaning of Bar/Bat Mitzvah". Since part of the program is the chance for students to understand what the bar mitzvah experience was in earlier years, I always ask parents to bring in memorabilia related to their own simchas or simchas of other relatives. This can include pictures, invitations, certificates, gifts received or anything else related. We put the items on display and are returned at the end of the program.

It is always great fun to look at the haircuts and clothing styles and the kids love it!

2008-08-17T19:12:00.001-04:00

I am hoping to use this blog as a place to share ideas about the bar/bat mitzvah journey at Beth El. I will try to answer questions that come up during our family programs and share any ideas from you or others.. Please feel free to comment and share ideas and experiences.

A child does not "have" a bar/bat mitzvah, but rather at the age of 13 "becomes" a bar mitzvah. This is an important distinction. We are very concerned about what our children are becoming and not so worried about what they have.